White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
