Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
