meet me or not, i'm out of control
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
