Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think people are normalizing furries
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
