I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
