before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
