I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
