Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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