I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
