awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
