yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
