Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
