so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
