Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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