Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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