I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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