i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
