So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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