how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
