haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
