Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
