She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
