So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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