So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
