Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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