Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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