I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
