True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
