could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
foreskin is a definite game changer
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You are the jesus of drinking
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
