yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My ATM looks so different sober.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
