He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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