Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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