Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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