just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
