Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i think i just lost a toe
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
