Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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