I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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