i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
