I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
