You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it because I queefed?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
do herpes really smell.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
