I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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