Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
