you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you traded sex for a burrito?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
