Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
