Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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