it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Randomize
