It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Text me some of your sweat
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
