i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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