The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
