Its about making memories worth repressing
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
