When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
