im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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