There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
