I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
