Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
