so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
